im six kinds of drunk right now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
