So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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