I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
