How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
