i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
