I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
