he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
