well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
