The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
