Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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