Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
