don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize