If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
