when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
