DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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