She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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