ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
