i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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