She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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