I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
