I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
