i think i have two assholes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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