I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
