Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
