Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
