I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
