She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Jerry, you need to find god
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
