It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
