At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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