are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
