I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The air was thick with penises
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
