oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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