A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
