sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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