How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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