I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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