I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
