...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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