Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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