I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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