she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
