I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
