All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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