I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
