I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
