I am spending my child support on dildos
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
