I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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