just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
