I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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