Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
