I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
