why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize