my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
