your thong is hanging out like whoa
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
