And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize