If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
