Having a random hookup so left but love u
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
