No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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