Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
