so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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