I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize