shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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