According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
