it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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