Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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