I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
