It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
