K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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