She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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