trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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