he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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